eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
