24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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