She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize