I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize