My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize