Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize