two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
