so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
