the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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