How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
