It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
