You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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