I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
