Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize