U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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