You really coming over, don't trick.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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