I can't breathe out the right side of my face
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize