I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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