I CAN MOONWALK!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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