I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
