I'm so fucking centered right now
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
