So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
