He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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