I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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