hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
