Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
When are your genitals available?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
