I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
