Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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