I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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