you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
