Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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