A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
