Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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