I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
it was like eating out sand paper
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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