at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
