I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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