and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
