We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
