I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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