No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
