You're so nebulous sometimes
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize