Nicole vs. Life
barbara walters just said penis...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
