I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
