If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
