I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
