At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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