So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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