The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
