just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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