Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
