Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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