Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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