If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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