i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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