3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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