it hurts more in the daytime
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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