Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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