Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Found the puke drawer
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
