Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
