I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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