If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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