PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
