Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
