It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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