I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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