There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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