I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
