i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
