Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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