I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
