I want to make a zoo with you.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
