They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
