Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
