i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
