I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
