Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize