Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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