So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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