I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
