why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
