Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
