I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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