As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
