Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize