I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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