His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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