How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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