Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
that's an acceptable place to lick
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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