im six kinds of drunk right now
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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