nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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