Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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